1 Notes

Shoot Me In The Face With a Laser

In life you can’t do anything half-ass. You have to fully commit to an extreme and that’s why when I first started to see the early signs of chin hair on my 20-something year old face (this was a few years back. Relax, I’m not trying to lie about my age) I knew I either had to let that -ish grow to bearded lady status to get it smoother than a Michael Jackson moonwalk.

At first I could handle it on my own. Tweezers were weapon of choice. Pluck, pluck, cool. Then something else happened. I realized that as a black woman my hair has a mind of it’s own. Like the hairs on my head, my chin hairs were coarse and obtuse. I started to develop dark spots that marked where these rude as hairs would return to ruin my face whenever they felt like it.

I wasn’t alone in this. Maybe its the steroids in the meat or estrogen in the chicken (They inject chicken with estrogen right, that’s why it’s so tender? No, ok) but all my black girlfriends were sprouting five o’clock shadows. BEARDS!

It was time to conceal.

Continue reading…

Notes

Today's "Nigga Get Your Shit Together" Award Goes To...

Black Chicago man to Harvard:


Pay more for rare papers of the first black man to graduate from Harvard or I’ll burn them


- Chicago Sun-Times

2 Notes

Just when people think you sleeping on them…

Let them know!

(sidebar: this is my very first GIF!)

Just when people think you sleeping on them…

Let them know!

(sidebar: this is my very first GIF!)

Notes

Don’t know about you but when I eat watermelon I always have to use the restroom. 




Thanks to the Chinese restaurant in south Philly for posting is. 


#philly #comedylife #ontheroad

Don’t know about you but when I eat watermelon I always have to use the restroom.


Thanks to the Chinese restaurant in south Philly for posting is.


#philly #comedylife #ontheroad

Notes

Love my non-black friend’s naïveté.

Love my non-black friend’s naïveté.

3 Notes

You Shouldn’t Be Mad at Tyler the Creator & Mountain Dew

A lot of folks panties are in a bunch over Mountain Dew’s “racist” ad which was the brainchild of Tyler the Creator of Odd Future fame and infamy.

The campaign features a talking goat who drink Mountain Dew and goes on a rampage. The one spot that has gotten the heat depicts a police lineup of all black men and the goat.

One headline bashing the ads read “Mountain Dew pulls most Racist Ad Ever.”

Well clearly this passionate writer has never seen this:

employeesintel.jpg

Or This…

Or This…

Because all drug dealers are slick talking black men who turn into SNAKES.

Sure it’s easy to forget just how racist ads used but to consider the Mountain Dew campaign as deplorable is ridiculous for an array of reasons.

1. Corporate America Takes Its Cues From the (Inner City) Youth

Want to sell a product? Find out what the black kids are doing and bring it to the mainstream. It will look cool and more kids will want it and drive their parents crazy until they buy it.

If you were a kid in the 80’s it felt like there wasn’t a single commercial that didn’t have break dancing in it.

Nothing like a head spin to sell a Toyota.

So when Mountain Dew wanted to get in touch with “the youth” they went after the always controversial, anti-everything Odd Future. The group of rowdy yet creative kids have already scored musical success and have their own (really funny) show “The Loiter Squad”.

"Sure, they’ll know exactly how to get all the hip black kids to drink Mountain Dew. We tried it before with Lil’ Wayne and worked wonders. And once you get the black kids, the white kids follow and then the world." - What I assume the Mountain Dew marketing execs thought

When you turn over the reigns to a multi-million ad campaign you have to trust that the people you collaborate with know what they are doing. In this case the kids of ODD Future did what they thought was funny, a talking goat that goes ham after drinking the Dew.

No harm, no foul. 

But these kids didn’t factor in how the world, specifically the black world would respond because…

2. ODD Future Doesn’t Have “Black Baggage”

This country often talks about wanting to move past race. We don’t want to be judged my color. We also expect every person born in this country to automatically know the history of racism, slavery, feminism, gay rights, etc.

We all know our educational school system leaves much to be desired so how are kids like Tyler supposed to know that showing all of this friends (who are black) in a police lineup will evoke parallels between them and this nation’s depiction of the black man being the constant criminal.

I’m sure he doesn’t think of himself and his friends are convicts. He’s thinking, “Me and all my boys about to be on TV.”

Kids today have everything.

They walk around with a fully functioning computer in their pocket that doubles as a phone. They can reach anyone in the world with a tweet, Vine or Instagram. They don’t care to use race as an excuse as to why they “can’t do” or “can’t be”. They don’t know or care to know about all that those before them had to endure and why they should still hold a grudge about slavery or make sure that their every move doesn’t shame their culture.

There are no chips on their shoulders and there shouldn’t be.

Should Tyler be aware of what the imagery in the Dew commercial conjures up for older black folks, sure.

Should he be penalized because he chooses not to let that impede his artistic expression, absolutely not.

But hey, these are just my thoughts.

Notes

Must Read: The Power of Talking to Your Baby

All parents gave their children directives like “Put away your toy!” or “Don’t eat that!” But interaction was more likely to stop there for parents on welfare, while as a family’s income and educational levels rose, those interactions were more likely to be just the beginning.

The disparity was staggering. Children whose families were on welfare heard about 600 words per hour. Working-class children heard 1,200 words per hour, and children from professional families heard 2,100 words. By age 3, a poor child would have heard 30 million fewer words in his home environment than a child from a professional family. And the disparity mattered: the greater the number of words children heard from their parents or caregivers before they were 3, the higher their IQ and the better they did in school. TV talk not only didn’t help, it was detrimental.

Notes

The Unattended Baby

Watched a mom on the bus ignore her doozing toddler as his head bobbled, hit the railing and his tiny frame almost fall off the seat.

There was a distance between them. An entire seat on the 3-seat bench. She never once addressed him or scooped him into her arms like a loving mother would.

Instead, she was on the phone telling a man how much she is ready to move forward with him and needed to know he was going to be there for her and accept her.

As they arrived to their stop, the mom nestled her cell phone between her ear and shoulder, delicately placed her purse over her other shoulder and tapped her kid to wake up.

I couldn’t help but wonder, who is going to be there for that little boy.

Notes

Work tonight. #comedy

Work tonight. #comedy

Notes

The woman on the right would tell the young woman on the left a lot about life, love and career.  
                                          Don’t take LIFE for grant. You’ll see people leave this earth and think about all the things you said you’d do later. Make time for you, especially your health and happiness.       

When you decide to LOVE fully commit. So what if your feelings get hurt. So what if you don’t win every argument. Learn from your partner even from their flaws. You aren’t perfect either. Love is a choice so make it with the right one. 

You spent your entire life thinking you wanted a CAREER in journalism and was well on your way to being at the top. Then one day everything changes and you’ll find yourself starting all over but you will enjoy every minute of it. Most aren’t lucky to have two career paths but know your ability to roll with the punches and abandon your “plan” is what keeps you head of the game. 

Love Chloe (age 32) to Chloe (age 24)

#LetterToMyYoungerSelf

What would you tell your younger self?

The woman on the right would tell the young woman on the left a lot about life, love and career.
Don’t take LIFE for grant. You’ll see people leave this earth and think about all the things you said you’d do later. Make time for you, especially your health and happiness.

When you decide to LOVE fully commit. So what if your feelings get hurt. So what if you don’t win every argument. Learn from your partner even from their flaws. You aren’t perfect either. Love is a choice so make it with the right one.

You spent your entire life thinking you wanted a CAREER in journalism and was well on your way to being at the top. Then one day everything changes and you’ll find yourself starting all over but you will enjoy every minute of it. Most aren’t lucky to have two career paths but know your ability to roll with the punches and abandon your “plan” is what keeps you head of the game.

Love Chloe (age 32) to Chloe (age 24)

#LetterToMyYoungerSelf

What would you tell your younger self?